She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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