I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
