A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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