You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
