put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
