i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
