I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Are we still banned from the library?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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