TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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