I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
