I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
