Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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