So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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