this just has baby written all over it
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
