Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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