How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
