I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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