I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
