I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
