OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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