i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
