D3 body, D1 cock
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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