I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
