How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
