I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
