This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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