she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
