You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
