i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
