the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
