just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
