Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
