I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
