I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
