please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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