i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
did you just send me my own nude
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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