Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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