ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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