i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
