So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
