I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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