like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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