I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I cannot find my penis.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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