i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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