btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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