in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
