I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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