Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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