Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize