I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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