when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize