i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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