quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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