I just cut my nipple shaving
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
