he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
