Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We need a shit load of segways right now
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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