why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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