Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Randomize
