alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
