You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
