I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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