i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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