Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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