i think i have two assholes
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
