I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
