Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
