I feel great
I just peed on a car
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
