I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
