I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
