Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
